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Sunday, Feb 03, 2002


Darth Vader's theme signals the scene change to Burns' office.

Burns: I don't know what's happening. It seems our profits have dropped 37%.

Smithers: I'm afraid we have a bad image, Sir. Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre.

Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones!

Smithers: Heh heh, well, maybe this film festival could help us. A film biography might let them get to know the real you: virtuous, heroic, nubile...

Burns: [menacing] You left out pleasant! [clubs Smithers with a newspaper] But I like that film biography idea: a slick Hollywood picture to gloss over my evil rise to power like "Bugsy" or "Working Girl". -- Melanie Griffith: newly notorious?, "A Star is Burns"

Burns: Get me Steven Spielberg!

Smithers: He's unavailable.

Burns: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent!

[later] Listen, Senor Spielbergo, I want you to do for me what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler.

Spielbergo: Er, Schindler es bueno, Senor Burns es el diablo.

Burns: Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod: we're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, dammit! Now go out there and win me that festival!

-- Burns puts his foot down, "A Star is Burns"