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Tuesday, Mar 23, 2004
hamstrung out
to pod or not to pod?
Monday, Mar 22, 2004
jerked chicken
"I now fully grasped that Laqueur was on to something both weird and important. How could I not have anticipated it? Had I not read Portnoy's Complaint or watched Seinfeld? During the last administration, the surgeon general, Jocelyn Elders, was fired, or so it was claimed, for her apparent endorsement of the public health values of masturbation. At a Miami news conference, President Bill Clinton said that her views on the subject reflected "differences with administration policy and my own convictions." Masturbation is virtually unique, in the array of more or less universal human behaviors, in arousing a peculiar and peculiarly intense current of anxiety."
roll with it
"Clunk enough people and we'll have a nation of lumpheads.Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
That womans as cold as a nudist on an iceberg.
She reminds me of Paul Revere's ride - a little light in the belfry.
Gal reminds me of the highway between Ft. Worth and Dallas - no curves.
As bare as a cooch dancer's midriff.
Boy's like a dead horse - got no get up and go...
Hey boy, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind.
She's tryin' to make a pantywaist out of that poor kid.
That kid's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
If kid don't stop talkin' so much he'll get his tongue sunburned.
Well, barbeque my hamhocks!
That dog's as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrrel of oat meal.
That boy's as strong as an ox, and just about as smart.
Look sister, is any of this filtering through that little blue bonnet of yours?
You're doing a lot of choppin', but no chips are flyin'.
The boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball.
I've got this boy as figgity as a bubble dancer with a slow leak.
Newest additions:
You look like two miles of bad road
That boy's just like a tattoo...gets under your skin
This is gonna cause more confusion than a mouse in a burlesque show!
I-I-I know what you're gonna say son. When two halves is gone there's nuthin' left - and you're right. It's a little ol' worm who wasn't there. Two nuthins is nuthin'. That's mathematics son. You can argue with me but you can't argue with figures. Two half nuthins is a whole nuthin'."