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Friday, Jan 05, 2001
January 4, 2001
The Return
My posts mysteriously faded away for the second half of the cross-country trip. I've needed to spend some time digesting the events before writing, but now I believe I'm ready. This post is more of an intro than an actual journal entry, but there's more to come.
Walkabout
The subtitle of my page uses an Aussie word, "walkabout". This has a couple of related but distinct meanings. To elucidate, below is a quotation from a web encyclopedia of Aboriginal information.
Going Walkabout (or gone Walkabout) is a derogatory expression that 'Whitemen' coined to describe what they considered to be laziness on the part of Aborigines. The expression originated during the late 1800s / early 1900s at a time when Aborigines were 'working' on farms, cattle or sheep stations and left their 'employment' by simply walking-into-the-bush. Aborigines were not working for money, but received food and clothing. When they 'disappeared' into the bush this was seen as being a lack of gratitude and commitment to work.
In reality the Australian Aborigines have been a nomadic race for thousands of years and regularly moved 'camp' to follow food and cultural cycles. For example the first settlers in many areas observed the people striving to live a traditional lifestyle that included Aboriginal males undertaking 'cultural journeys' at various times - particularly to visit others for the purpose of corroborees or as some Whitemen said: 'to learn new songs'.
However this was never described as 'going walkabout'.
"Gone walkabout" is quite applicable to my circumstances, since on June 19, 2000 I wandered away from the working world.
Perhaps this is a good time to insert a quotation from one of the many excellent books in the house of my friend Beth of Greenwich Village.
It's okay to do nothing. We are compelled in the Western culture to have a plan, to execute, to move on some orderly schedule. That's baloney! It's okay to do nothing. Sometimes you'll infuriate your western counterpart. They'll think you don't care or that you have a secret. The reality is that you do have a secret.
Gene Leluche, Wintu, 1992
From Words of Power, Voices from Indian America
"Walkabout" has picked up a second meaning, the cultural journey mentioned by the encyclopedia quotation above. Perhaps this connotation was popularized by a 1971 movie of that name. When I picked the subtitle, I had in mind an external journey that would trigger an internal journey.
It worked.
States
Just before leaving the NYC area in September, I had a series of intense dreams.
Here's the most important episode of those dreams: I visualized an area that looked like the large concourse/shopping mall beneath the World Trade center. I recognized the place, but only through a rapidly moving and visually intense set of screens or filters. These images were reminiscent of the many abstract impressionist paintings I had seen in the preceding two weeks. The screens delighted the eye, while obscuring the place I was in.
I had a sense of purpose, but was unaware of the purpose. I saw and heard someone, who was trying urgently to communicate. Eventually the meaning became clear, "Come this way, quickly." She wanted me to go down into a subway tunnel. The implication was a journey through an area below the conscious.
The abstract impressionist screens were unrelenting, and made perceptions and movement difficult. Soon, she said, "It's too late", and disappeared down the stairwell. The implication was that I was too late for that train, but there's always another.
About a week later, outside of Niagra Falls, I was ready to visit the subterranean vault which had been intimated in the dream. This was the internal journey of the Walkabout. This was a journey which called into question all that I am.
Consciousness
Today I just started reading a book on cognitive neuroscience called "The Feeling of What Happens -- Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness". I'm only a third of the way through it, but already think it's one of the best brain/mind books I've read.
Here's a quotation:
I suspect consciousness prevailed in evolution because knowing the feelings caused by emotions was so indispensable for the art of life, and because the art of life has been such a success in the history of nature. But I will not mind if you prefer to give my words a twist and say that consciousness was invented so that we could know life. The wording is not scientifically correct, of course, but I like it.
I quoted the paragraph to leave the nerdy context intact, but here's the kernel:
Consciousness was invented so that we could know life.
The internal journey brought the light of consciousness to some old events and emotions which had been hidden from consideration. This journey, and the ensuing conscious consideration were invented so that I could know my own life more completely.
Words
I've been thinking about this subject with great intensity for a few months, and have told my tale to a few. But each time I re-tell, I revisit the words I use. The various connotations each word can assume bring different shades of meaning.
The words also have an internal effect. The words I use to I describe an experience affect how I think about that experience, and shape the way I record my history. Considering how to describe something, therefore changes my own understanding of it, sometimes profoundly.
Jim of New Orleans once said to me, "One of the best parts of a journey is the experience of explaining yourself to others."
I concur.