Bob,

Don't be so coy. We're America darn it, so we can do anything we want, and it's okay. Gitmo's had a pretty tight lid, but the pictures and stories coming out of Iraq reveal the exactly what kind of smackdown we're giving to the terrorists, and people who look like terrorists. But we're talking Righteous Torture, justified by God's blessing of this great country. Our dear Leader understands this, and that's why he authorized it.

Now, between you and me, much of the torture is kind of light weight -- like water-boarding. Give me a break! Our dear Leader's close ally in Uzbekistan knows that you have to use boiling water to get the best results. We need to adopt this as part of a "best practices" initiative. That's the kind of Gitmo reform I'm talking about.

-Mark