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Thursday, May 25, 2006
O'Reilly Nation
I stopped in at Andale'sTaqueria to pick up a couple of burritos. I go for the chipotle. I recommend sauce on the side if you're going to head home via a windy mountain road.
When I came in, I was greeted by a bellow of "Where's my motherfucking food?" Now, this just isn't done in the cute little shopping district of the town of Los Gatos.
A short, 350 lb man was holding forth about his unfair treatment. He was also commenting obliquely on the nationality of the folks serving him. As he continued to yell and swear, a couple of women asked him to pipe down. Of course he didn't. He just began to engage them in conversation about how lousy the help was.
My order was ready to go, so I paid, grabbed my bags, and headed towards the rear exit. This required me to pass the ugly American in close quarters.
As I approached he was adding crotch level hand gestures to his insults. I said, "Excuse me! Excuse me, sir! You're in the way!" I got into his space while saying this. Once I got his attention, he backed out of the way. I pressed my advantage, and got all up in his grill. His back was to the counter. I was inches away from him. I looked him up and down.
He got real quiet, and said, "You're a big man." I looked down at him, and softly said, "Chill out" before turning to leave.
After a couple of beats, he got his courage back, and started following me down the hall to the exit. "You can't tell me to chill out!" As I continued to walk away, he said something along the lines of "You want to take it outside." I turned as a strode, and laughed.
He followed me out the door into an empty parking lot, torn up for repaving. He made suggestions about what I could do to his dick. As I led him farther and farther away from the taqueria, I thought a Spanish retort would be appropriate. "¡Chupa mi verga!" He replied with "Lefty!" Umm, okay.
He finished up with a bizarre non sequitor: "You heard of Bill O'Reilly! You probably haven't, because you're a lefty!"
"I've heard of O'Reilly. He's a dipshit bully."
And ... scene.
I hope the folks at Andale's were ready to bar the entrance when this pendejo made his way back to their door.