flagged down my landlord out in front of the building as he was confounding a ups driver. my kitchen sink has been leaking and i assumed when he called me on sunday that this was the reason. usually the "water people" will contact the landlord when such wasteful practices are detected. as i had been waylaid by impertinence and the viruses that feed on such behavior i was in no mood to indulge anything more than my indolence on that day so i ignored the call. there was no sign of him on monday nor yesterday when i made my forays out into the world but today the steel shutters to his dugout were open when i poke my head out into the world so i steeled myself for the inevitable intercourse.

already weighed down by two sacks of desultory sundries, my overheated prosecco and fleece induced discomfort was percolating as i waited at the beanery for my coffee.

"do you want them ground?"

"no thanks."

"i just want to get the fuck out of here."

so i was in no mood to engage with the spawn of godot but as i spied him outside his lair i decided to slay the dragon so to speak on neutral ground.

the ups driver was no match for the ball of confusion hurled in his direction and turned tail as soon as was humanly and professionally within his means and i was left to tussle with the beastly intellect.

really im making to much of this. i expected to be gently harangued for slacking off owing to my leaky faucet but instead was again faulted for a more serious leak which required buckets (gasp!) and supposedly caused more serious unspecified damage. as it turns out the two leaks dont seem to be connected. and theres no proof to even connect my use of water to the more serious leakage not that id feel the least bit of remorse had there been. when i asked how he knew i was responsible, he said "the water has your name on it." i couldnt help but laugh at that barb as did he pleased with his own confection but i was through sparring. i just shook my head and walked away. he told me he didnt know when hed be able to fix my leaky faucet. i said id be around.

wheres a joe the plumber when you need one?