drat fink

easter services

"All those mysteries have spawned volumes of speculation for almost three centuries. Many Europeans were incredulous that Polynesians, "mere savages," could have constructed the statues or the beautiful stone platforms. The Norwegian explorer Thor Heyerdahl's famous Kon-Tiki expedition and his other raft voyages aimed to prove the feasibility of transoceanic connections between Egypt's pyramids, the giant stone architecture of South America's Inca Empire, and Easter Island's statues. Going further, the Swiss writer Erich von Däniken claimed that the statues were the work of intelligent extraterrestrials who had ultramodern tools, became stranded on Easter, and were finally rescued. But the explanation that has now emerged attributes statue carving to the picks and other tools littering Rano Raraku rather than to hypothetical space implements, and to Easter's known Polynesian inhabitants rather than to Incas, Egyptians, or Martians. This story is as romantic and exciting as were postulated visits by Kon-Tiki rafts or extraterrestrials—and much more relevant to events now going on in the modern world."

its got therappeal

i was just wondering how long it will be before psychotherapy becomes fodder for a "reality tv" program. im guessing it will be called The Couch. im not sure of the premise. any ideas? are the participants the subjects to be studied or do they weigh others concerns? the same company will also produce a show for HBO called The Casting Couch a mockumentary-style show about a "reality tv" production company.

master crassmen

sixteen plus hours into the botched repair job by the smelliest man on the lower east side at about quarter past midnight i hear the landlord creaking across the floorboards. its finally done, he says, except it might leak a little, and if it did all i had to do was shut off the valve when i wasnt using the hot water. ya know, nothing inconvenient about that. (what am i paying again? he acts like he still gets $200 a month for an apartment.) upon hearing this i burst out laughing because thats exactly what i had been doing i week and a half ago when i could still take a shower. ok, a hot shower. call me spoiled. he failed to echo my amusement as i had failed to grade their efforts a resounding success. so im left with another ridiculously unsightly exposed pipe in my kitchen through a hacked out hole in the bathroom wall, and im congratulating them on a job, well....done. now as soon as the handymans facial swelling goes down im told the holes in the walls and the ceiling will be rectified. can holes be rectified, or can only the situation regarding the holes be, er, rectified? rectified...rectum...correlation? wheres that OED when you need it, and something for the swelling.

repeat what you so

i may be pioneering (not likely) a new form in the procrastinatory arts -- island hoping. first, overpay for a ticket because you procrastinated, and as the date moved closer, the price went up. then, find a suitable reason to delay the trip, and exchange the ticket for a nominal fee. push the date back far enough so that the new ticket is priced well below what you paid for the original. the airline then refunds the difference or puts the extra money in a voucher, aka the seeds for your next vacrastination. repeat as necessary. repeat as necessary. repeat as necessary.

me so soup

ho down

much to my present dismay, i will soon be leaving the continent, with hopes to return not long after.

the moneydrippers

"Critics have questioned how tasteful it is to peddle replicas of the nails used to affix Christ to the cross."

holy water

dfn -- all the noise, all the time

8 hours kibbitzing with the peckel and the farshtinkener has left me fartootster for sure. feh!

went to the minimall at timeswarner. got a guided tour of the bose sound systems from $1000 to $3000. i almost felt like i was in Boogie Nights when the friendly bald black salesdude told us how much he loved the new harry connick jr. cd. yeeah. and he was enthusiastic about a scene from Finding Nemo with which he baits potential customers. "youve got to see the whale scene," all the live long day. you smell worse than the farshtinkener farshtook.

bought four types of water and little else at the new whole foods. made eye contact with lou reed in the atrium with the candlestick. he did not offer to help me with my watered down bags but i could tell he wanted to ask me something. maybe, how goes the plumbing? but they fixed the buzzer, right? the ceiling?

ted knights tick
one staredown mastered at a time

dialed in for dolors
wretched out and clutched someone

a suppurated peace
im ceiling you, offensively

hut one hut two

will that be smoking or non?

bayh!: the! musical!

via wonkette we see that eternal democratic vp candidate fodder evan bayh has legally changed his name and will only respond to "bayh!" henceforth.