September 28, 2001
Today I set out to achieve two things. I failed at both. I had planned to avoid two things. Two situations where I had determined to utilize all my upper body strength to pry the collar of my coat off the smooth bronze nub of the proverbial hook. I had resolved to use deception, pleading and in one instance—if it felt appropriate at the time—a little half earnest bribery. One involved a doctor, the other a friend attempting to herd me into gainful employment. The particulars are not relevant. What is relevant is the failure of my intent and my subsequent relief at that failure. We may not be up to the job, stoic enough for the prescribed poison, but we can be shored up, bullied, and hoisted back up onto our hook. It might even leave us grateful. Permission, once again, to be sentries to ourselves.
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Today I set out to achieve two things. I failed at both. I had planned to avoid two things. Two situations where I had determined to utilize all my upper body strength to pry the collar of my coat off the smooth bronze nub of the proverbial hook. I had resolved to use deception, pleading and in one instance—if it felt appropriate at the time—a little half earnest bribery. One involved a doctor, the other a friend attempting to herd me into gainful employment. The particulars are not relevant. What is relevant is the failure of my intent and my subsequent relief at that failure. We may not be up to the job, stoic enough for the prescribed poison, but we can be shored up, bullied, and hoisted back up onto our hook. It might even leave us grateful. Permission, once again, to be sentries to ourselves.
- rachael 9-29-2001 3:40 am