July 2, 2003
I awoke in an extraordinarily good mood. The fatigue and wicked humour that are standard for my morning only lasted a mere half hour. I went to work for a short day and was quite productive in spite of the fact that I felt so physically well that I found it difficult to sit still in my seat. I left at 4.30 and took a nap and awoke looking forward to dinner with a friend. The recent successful campaign for an extra night off, oblivious of the frowns from the marathon restaurant workers, has left me delerious and aware of myself in a way I had forgotten. One member of staff is moving to Australia in an attempt to free himself of all this American work stuff. I find it amusing that Australia is where I was heading when I got lodged here due to lack of air fare seventeen years ago. An enthusiastic Irish chef dwelling in Australia visited us at the restaurant last week and regailed us with how little they had to work. But then he looked wistful and said in his sweet Belfast accent (accents get so lost the longer you are away, now Belfast rage sounds so mellifluous), "ahh, but there's not the energy, the buzz, you know." When involved in another restaurant located diagonally opposite to the one I currently work in, a friend commented as I complained (hah!) about how busy it was, "Well, what is more enjoyable, success or failure?" I took a respectable length of time to consider his question. He is a journalist. I answered that I suppose success is better, knowing that this was the correct answer for him. But you know, I'm not entirely sure. The contours of failure are so familiar to me, the downward curve of disappointment and one's ability to assimilate it into one's every cell and to persevere with that dying phrase are what I'm good at. I feel so much more at home with the business that daily contemplates the rituals of the dole queue. I can hear the clamour of the new agers, but I'm not impressed by their hysteria and I no longer feel I even have to attempt their daft optimism. Failure can be very interesting if conducted on one's own terms.
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I awoke in an extraordinarily good mood. The fatigue and wicked humour that are standard for my morning only lasted a mere half hour. I went to work for a short day and was quite productive in spite of the fact that I felt so physically well that I found it difficult to sit still in my seat. I left at 4.30 and took a nap and awoke looking forward to dinner with a friend. The recent successful campaign for an extra night off, oblivious of the frowns from the marathon restaurant workers, has left me delerious and aware of myself in a way I had forgotten. One member of staff is moving to Australia in an attempt to free himself of all this American work stuff. I find it amusing that Australia is where I was heading when I got lodged here due to lack of air fare seventeen years ago. An enthusiastic Irish chef dwelling in Australia visited us at the restaurant last week and regailed us with how little they had to work. But then he looked wistful and said in his sweet Belfast accent (accents get so lost the longer you are away, now Belfast rage sounds so mellifluous), "ahh, but there's not the energy, the buzz, you know." When involved in another restaurant located diagonally opposite to the one I currently work in, a friend commented as I complained (hah!) about how busy it was, "Well, what is more enjoyable, success or failure?" I took a respectable length of time to consider his question. He is a journalist. I answered that I suppose success is better, knowing that this was the correct answer for him. But you know, I'm not entirely sure. The contours of failure are so familiar to me, the downward curve of disappointment and one's ability to assimilate it into one's every cell and to persevere with that dying phrase are what I'm good at. I feel so much more at home with the business that daily contemplates the rituals of the dole queue. I can hear the clamour of the new agers, but I'm not impressed by their hysteria and I no longer feel I even have to attempt their daft optimism. Failure can be very interesting if conducted on one's own terms.
- rachael 7-03-2003 3:05 am