Brother and I had a little Festivus: the Airing of Grievances. It was amicable. But there's a long way to go. He still reacts very badly to criticism, and still does lots of dumbass things. Apparently I'm "solving problems that don't exist."
This part will get into TMI. Trigger warning.
So watching the video from 10 pm central time, I see Mom get up from bed with no help. She forgets to call for help when she's in a hurry. I tried to tune up the nest alert to do a better job. (Way too many false alerms, each followed by a 30-ish minute period of suppressing any notifications at all.) This prompted a tantrum from Brother. I avoided my inclination to say, "Why, yes, of course, I'm going to fuck it up completely. That's how I roll, bitch."
So anyway, either Nest failed to notify, or Dear Brother missed it. Then I notice she's wearing pajama bottoms. I bought sleep shirts for her because the pajama bottoms are terrible. She wears pullups to avoid wetting the bed. Taking off wet pullups and pajama bottoms, and getting them past anti-slip socks is hard. Add to that that she's half asleep, has balance and flexibility issues, and has issues with remembering the right sequence of actions.
So what the fuck bro? Did you forget the conversation about sleep shirts because your brain is addled? Did you decide I'm being bossy so you'll do the opposite of what I say?
In the video sequence, David eventually shows up, and helps her get from the bathroom to bed. I notice she's wearing the svelte day-time pullups, not the extra padded night time pullups. Another one of my stupid solutions, I suppose. And then what the fuck is wrong with this picture? The goddamn pullups are on inside out. That's a new one. Mom has some pretty creative mistakes. (Aforementioned sequencing problems.) But four-beers-in boy doesn't notice. I'm two time zones away, and it's clear as a bell. That's going to be pee cleanup party in the morning.
So I could write equal amouts of crap about other stuff: giving her bad guidance on use of the walker, having a bed to high and fighting against correction of the problem, using a long, difficult staircase to put her in the upstairs bedroom when visitng Houston for chemo, the rickety stairs in front of Brother's house that he's been having her use, losing the discharge papers from her menengitis hospitalization, ignoring her uncontrolled high blood pressure and the meds ordered in said lost discharge papers. On and on and on. It's fucking exhausting going back and forth on each fucking issue. And I'm doing my best to maintain civility in the face of denial, sarcasm, disdain, total lack of recall, etc., because I don't want to trigger a tantrum.
Adding... not really bereft of ideas. We have a short window of in house rehab. I've used a technique or having the independent third party explain. Since David filters out whatever I say, the words need to come from someone else. This will be harder to do remotely, but I have names and a few phone numbers. Occupational Therapy is about every day self-care activities. Eating, grooming, bathing, etc., etc. I got both of the OT people she's likely to see on my side. To avoid "bro-splaining", I have them gently tell David he's full of shit. This late night pajama dance in the bathroom is going to get shut the fuck down.
Heidi and Sean got my back. Heidi played it fucking spot on, played him like a fiddle. She knew what game we were playing. I wanted to air high five her from across the room when she layed down the law to Bro.
Another one. medical records box. I asked him where he wanted to keep it.
["This is the portable plastic file box i set up a year ago and have actively maintained. I talk about it from time to time. It contains your mother's medical records. This box was in Mom's kitchen for almost a year. It's the box that contained the medical power of attorney folder. You know the folder that was buried on your desk. I had to pull an MRI record, and couldn't find the POA folder. This here box is where it was supposed to be. And you were down to the last copy of the medical POA doc. You kinda want to make some more copies before you get down to last one. Anywho, that's the story about this box".]
"Oh, it's got things like her discharge papers, and it also contains copies of insurance ID, meds list, you know, extras for that that set of docuents I gave you earlier."
3 AM, unsupervised trip to the bathroom, anti-slip socks not to be found, wooden floors (which are getting wet from drippage)
I found Heidi's number. Gonna connect this weekend, and put her on the case.
not all brothers are made alike.....joe dressner and his brother were night and day