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Bum rush for return to Irony
Ironic Times
New York anthrax case confirmed
An NBC employee in New York has tested postive for anthrax, network officials have told CNN. Details soon -
"anthrax is not cool anymore. we're changing our name to ebola."
Ode to the Middle of Nowhere
What is it about Central Asia?
From the so-called Aryans, to the Huns and the Hordes, not to mention Timur the Iron Limper; there's always some threat to civilization issuing from this inhospitable zone. Alexander the Great turned back there, along with Kipling's Britain (check the last verse). I can see why people want to leave, but what are they doing there to begin with? History's losers, forced beyond the margins, until they've grown as hard as the country? We're talking about people whose favorite sport involves a bunch of guys on horseback and a goat carcass. People expect the world to end in the Middle East, but I say keep your eye on Central Asia. Maybe we should ask Pynchon about it.
Anyway, the point I'm getting to is that the area provides the perfect name for the current military campaign. This has been a problem, as Operation Infinite Justice was dumped, supposedly in deference to our Moslem friends. Actually, it's got a ring to it, and will likely turn up as the title of a Schwarzenneger movie next year. Enduring Freedom, or whatever it is now, is no good. Clumsy, and whose freedom are we talking about? And forget Muslims, it ought to be objectionable to Christians. Doesn't the Bible teach that the works of man are passing, and only God endures? As far as I know, heaven is not a democracy.
I'm proposing Operation Baluchitherium, named after the largest land mammal ever to walk the earth. Imposing animals have a long tradition as totems and military mascots. I think a giant, extinct, hornless rhinoceros makes a fine symbol for our present deployment. And where's it from? You guessed it; Central Asia.
What is it with that place?
Our office building at 26 Federal Plaza was just evacuated. One of my clerks said he heard banging noises and then saw people running from the building. I looked into the hall and saw the staff of the security office next door running out. No PA announcement, no evidence of standard fire-drill type emergency procedures. It turned out to be noise from some construction equipment. They let us back in after about twenty minutes, and made an announcement that construction noises on the 14th floor may be ongoing. Didn't tell us how to distinguish between construction and terror noises. People are a bit edgy around here.