I Rented Rocky Balboa
Shame and his little brother, embarrassment, will kill you. You have to outwit shame and his little brother embarrassment.
I'm eating some fat, fancy Medjool dates to get my strength up to go on with this. I don't want to go out for food. I went out for breakfast. I have a number of items in the cupboard and the fridge that can be classified as food even though if you came over right now and were looking for something like a meal you would be disappointed. I have a half of a shad roe pair and I might cook that up later if I can get over being disgusted to look at it. Being disgusted is not a good start to a meal. I have a jar of anchovies that if my head were a little smaller I could say is bigger than my head. I could put a couple of anchovies on a cracker later and that would be like a snack. There is a nice jar of garlic stuffed olives in the fridge and that is making me think of having a martini. I don't however have any gin. Fortunately, in various bottles in a couple of different freezers I do have almost a gallon of vodka, so woe is me settling for a vodka martini.
Bernadette can visit me in VA from NY for extended visits because she can work from here, may God bless the Internet.
She recently left out from one of those visits and the day before the exit, due to my general nature, the fineness of Bernadette, and an occasional over sensitivity to a waning moon, I became noticeably depressed. Then, I got over it, more or less. I did not the next day wail to Bernadette before the Dulles backdrop, Please Don't Leave Me, I Can't Be Trusted Alone, I May....
Ah, now we're getting somewhere. The mere suggestion of self-destructive behaviour, that's something to be ashamed of.
Mr. BC sent me an email the other day with a link for a dumb game site and in his brief subject line message he said something like, waste a few hours. I have over time, not exactly begrudgingly, but certainly hesitantly, come to realize that Mr. BC is right a fair amount of the time. I have therefore made it part of an ongoing concerted-effort-program to do whatever Mr. BC tells me to do. Except when I really don't feel like it and then I just say to hell with that idea. I might go on to mumble--that's the dumbest idea I have heard in some time.
So Sunday, and Bernadette is gone a day already, the college basketball semi-final games of Saturday night, watched alone, were a disappointment and a bore, and I am considering work versus something else I am actually quite good at, not working. Yeah, I know, the suspense is killing you. I went back to the game site, which I had looked at perfunctorily when Mr. BC had sent it. That day I had become quickly bored throwing 2-D darts at 2-D balloons.
But Sunday I found new dart throwing purpose and I made it through 20 of the fifty balloon levels before deciding to take a break. I spent my break time looking at some of the other choices and found a dueling tanks game that occupied me for the next three hours. What? Yeah it was a beautiful spring day outside. I could see it out the windows. I was very close to it, separated only by some sheetrock and rough cedar siding. I had the windows open. I could hear the wind through the pines and the chirping birds while I decimated the enemy computer tank. Whenever I felt guilty for wasting time I just reminded myself that Mr. BC is almost always right.
I could waste the whole day playing computer games but I chose not to. At 6 p.m. I left the house for the first time. Wow. It was pleasant yet alienating. Like I had never been outside before and it would take some getting used to. I was happy with the outside but also put out by it. The nerve of this outside I said to myself because there was no one else to say it to. I had a brainstorm while outside. I got in the Jeep and drove all of one block to the art gallery/video rental establishment. There was something going on. Oh God, not an art opening I cried, to myself, but even if I had cried it out loud and every living resident of this town was listening it would not amount to a group large enough to fill a medium-sized movie theatre. I looked in my mind to my other email inbox that might have warned me of such a thing, an art opening when I just want to rent movies. I circled the block and stopped short of a new family with beau coup kids swarming the yard of a previously uninhabited dwelling. I didn't actually circle the block, I had just turned right past the gallery and movie rental place and was facing a dead end. I stopped short of a kid on a big wheel, feeling the motherly concern of one nearby. I made a deft backwards two point turn and just like that, in this matter of seconds, whatever was going on was done going on. I parked and entered the movie rental part of the gallery. An amiable man was talking to June. Hey June, I said. Hello Jim, she said.
June was munching on colorful peanut M&Ms from a white bowl on the desk behind which she sits. I try when forcing myself outside, to be sociable. You going to eat all of those? I said to June. The amiable man, who had been talking about some business with June, and who clearly had some proprietary relationship with the M&Ms, offered me some. He picked up the white bowl from the imitation wood grained desk and held it out to me. I was chewing gum but I took some anyway. I did not know what to do with my gum so I experimented with chewing gum on one side of my mouth and M&Ms on the other. I was disappointed with the results.
Let's get back to the shame theme.
I picked, from the few shelves reserved for fairly recent films, Rocky Balboa, Invincible, and Jesus Camp.
The man left and I checked out. I asked June if she could not record that I had rented Rocky Balboa. We joked about it some and I left.
I came home but Rocky Balboa would not cue up on my laptop. I took it up to the bighouse and stretched out on the leather couch and watched it on the fifty inch plasma. I have a perverse interest in mediocrity. My critics would say that is just narcissism. I had very low expectations for the film and that is a good way to find yourself pleasantly surprised. It did not however, surprise me in that way. I then watched another uplifting sports related flick, Invincible, with Mark Wahlberg, and there is at least one scene that Disney should delete from all their inspirational sports flicks, but doesn't, yet other than that one scene and a few other minor transgressions, Invincible is pretty good. And Wahlberg is very good.
I was sleepy so I came back down here to the caretaker's residence, and cued up Jesus Camp, in bed, on the laptop. I have watched every major horror movie ever made and a fair amount of minor ones and Jesus Camp is by far the scariest movie I have ever seen, and it is a documentary. The documentary I think should not be seen as a reflection of Christianity as a whole but for that very select and perhaps frighteningly large group of extremist evangelicals, it paints a very disturbing picture.
Bernadette today was concerned for my mental welfare as reflected in my lack of email to her (combined with some first hand experience concerning my mental potential) and when I did get back to her and said that I had last night watched Rocky Balboa she became very disturbed indeed and made me promise not to tell anyone else. So, let's keep this one on the down low.
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