There Will Be A Test
Yeah I'm going through my calendar shifting things around out the wazzoo here because Hector Bilby canceled at the last minute. Oh we were a few of us supposed to meet up at an art gallery and I'm assuming a drink after, otherwise what would be the point? Am I right? I mean right out the gate this morning Bernadette is shifting her calendar around due to a cancellation, which is regrettable because I was looking forward to whatever that was. I'm not even sure she was aware of the Bilby engagement and certainly not the cancellation. I judge this by the lack of her head exploding. Don't use ink and carry a big eraser is what I tell people. Forget about planning.
I had seen art last night, and had pizza, beer and wine, but are you going to tell Bilby that? Uh yeah, Bilby, I have ingested beau coup art lately. Would love to see you but am afraid of getting art toxicity so...like what? I mean seriously. What are you going to do? Christ. Now with all these cancellations, these reaffirmations of nothingness, Bernadette is spiraling out of control, trying to get me to go out and view vegetables and cat toys and I'll just be blunt here, I'm not feeling that at all. I am three quarters the way through a novel that I was ready to quit at the halfway point but am sticking with just because I honestly don't know why I'm sticking with it. It was one of the Pulitzer for fiction nominees this year, a year with no winners, and so far I'm pretty much in agreement with the committee. Anyhow, the cat will come out ahead in all this.
Ok, here's the thing, you don't realize how ludicrous, how borderline mean-spirited, hell, insane even, is the comment--I hear you have termites, until you say it to the wrong person, and by wrong I only mean a person in the room who is not the woman Bernadette suggested I go talk to last night and give unto her my substantial wisdom concerning termites, which is, call someone then quit worrying about it. For the greater body of people including all of humanity, here is my more general advice regarding termites. If you can't tell Asian people apart (even if Bernadette did say Japanese, about a woman who is part Japanese) or are just easily confused in those crowded spaces from which you are seeking the most rapid extrication, wait for a person with termite problems to reach out to you, not the other way around. Otherwise you will spend the rest of the night hoping those two Asian people at the party don't learn that you mistook one for the other and decide they have had enough of your petit bourgeois racist bullshit, effectively banning you from art openings the world over, which remember, can include after parties with pizza and beer.
Following is a short list of the Asians you should studiously learn to differentiate.
Asian people - the people from or of the continent of Asia
North Asians, includes people west of the Urals and the Ural river, north of East and Central Asia. Includes:
Russians
Yakuts
Tungusic peoples
Uralic peoples east of the Urals
the Ainu people
East Asians, including:
Chinese people
Japanese people
Taiwanese people
Koreans
Mongols
Southeast Asians, including:
Thai people
Vietnamese people
Filipino people
Bamar
Cambodian people
Bruneian people
Lao people
Malaysian people
Singaporean people
Indonesian people
South Asians, includes:
Indian people
Pakistani people
Bengali people
Sinhalese People
Nepalese people
Bhutanese people
Dhivehi people
Central Asians including
Uzbeks
Karakalpaks
Tajik people
Hazara people
Kyrgyz people
Uyghur people
Kazakhs
Pashtun people
Turkmen people
Western Asians, including:
Arab people
Turkish people
Kurdish people
Iranian peoples
Israeli people
View current page
...more recent posts