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Lorna Mills and Sally McKay
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There's a sign that says "security camera" on the security camera at Walgreens (drug store chain). I tried to take a picture of it but the manager wouldn't let me. Maybe it's just as well, some things are better in the telling. Anyways, I keep trying to figure out what the sign is really saying. "We're spying on you, and we're telling you we're spying on you - in fact, we're telling you we're spying on you in the same font that we're telling you where the cold medicine is kept". Gotta love that.
The other day the local news ran a story about how crystal meth can be easily made from cold pills and kerosene. (Talk about responsible reporting). I have been fighting a cold and buying box after box of Advil Cold and Sinus, wondering each time how many I can buy before I'm on some FBI watch list. I keep making a big show of how sick I am each time I go in there to buy more, as if the crystal meth guys wouldn't think of doing that too.
Ico playing with my new Progress Bar sculpture. I've included the cat to prove that it really moves.
Thanks Sally. Fans of Prereview know that I tend to rant so, in the spirit of "dance with the one that brought you" here's my first post.
I'm a video game junkie, but I do have to confess that I'm getting a bit burned out. Here's a short list of things I'm getting sick of.
- Strafing. Every shooter/platform game can be won by understanding how to move and shoot at the same time. Make it harder or different. If I see an enemy moving I shoot slightly ahead of them or I shoot with a larger weapon, but the AI never does that to me. In general, as long as you shoot and move you live.
- Hello my name is Snake and I'm the CIA's best agent with super duper abilities, yet I cannot step over this knee high log. If you want to make the game realistic, then let grown men and women step over logs. Climbing ladders should not be rocket science either. I've died way too often at the foot of a ladder for want of the ability to climb it without pressing some fucking action button. AND I shouldn't have to have been a trucker for five years to be able to back up while crawling. Video games that pride themselves in realism need their own Dogma movement.
- Let me accurately throw or drop my grenade, you bastards.
- God I hate performing combo "tricks". As soon as I have to memorize combos I feel like my life is ebbing away in a sad unending succession of video games, instead of the happy unending succession of video games I intend it to end in. A Teken fan I am not, (although I like talking to Teken fans because y'all are freaks.) Tony Hawk underground actually makes me want to buy a skateboard and sell my PS2, not because it's inspiring but because anything (including broken limbs) must be better than memorizing "X-Y-Square" every time I want to perform a "goofy-foot oly to flipside 360".
- Boss fights are always the same. "Oh, it's really big, but that means its slow so I should get in close!" No fucking shit, just like every other boss fight ever. And if you've figured out how to move and shoot on top of that you'll never die, I promise.
- I don't give a shit about your stupid fucking story. Tell the story in the game not in cut scenes, or not at all. Here's the back-story to my favorite commodore 64 game "KILL HIM, MY ROBOTS". What more do you need? All Your Base Are Belong To Us, indeed.
- I wish Katamari Damacy would make the local news for every 100 million times someone takes offence to GTA. And I also wish that North Americans could get the money to make cool innovative games. Here's a brilliant idea What if Japan was a market for video games?! If a game won't sell really well here but will in Japan, then make it here and market it in Japan! OMG! I know, I'm a fucking genius.
- I guess that's all for now. There's plenty more I've yet to play Grand Tourismo 4 but I hear that you can still gain advantage by driving into people in the corners with no repercussions or damage to your car, a problem which has plagued the franchise since its inception. Anyways, feel free to comment with your video game pet peeves.
I like blogging but boy am I getting sick of the sound of my own voice. To alleviate the pressure, I'm introducing a "guest poster feature," new brains who will enliven this page with occasional variety and alternate viewpoints that are, well...not mine...exactly. To start us off right, the apple is gonna fall straight down out of the tree. Please allow me to introduce my first guest poster...sibling, artist, bad speller and brainiac...Joester! Joester posts coming soon.