my 10-12lb young turkey is enroute! second week in a row ill be indulging in post thanksgiving selloffs. last week it was cornbread stuffing and mashed sweet potatoes preprepared. now ill try my hand at a turkey. ive never cooked a whole one before. any advice that i wont heed?

still have to go out and buy a disposable roasting pan at the "99cents" store which is really going to cut into my price per pound which is currently at $1. there was an even cheaper butterball at $.50 per but i thought id splurge on what i imagine is supposed to be higher quality. bought a cornbread mix and still have some cranberry sauce. its gonna be one hell of a pearl harbor day celebration! ok, probably wait until the weekend. what happened on dec 9?

- dave 12-06-2023 2:29 pm

When the button pops up itís done.  Donít cook stuffing in the birds cavity but in a separate cake pan. Cut up apples and onions to stuff the cavities. 

- bill 12-06-2023 2:44 pm [add a comment]

happy birthday, clarence birdseye! i ruin this turkey in your honor. i would never have developed a taste for tasteless vegetables without your genius. you are the king of december 9th beating out the guy who performed the first cremation and someone who may or may not have raped natalie wood. all great men to be sure. 

fire & ice!

ha. i could have gone with ratification of the genocide convention. someone i follow on twitter is obsessed with using the term in conjunction with the actions of the israelis vis a vis the palestinians and has quoted referred to this event. i dont doubt it meets the legal terms but in my mind genocide has encompassed, well, considerably greater extermination efforts. not to diminish the horrors but i wish there was a term for light genocide, something more sinister than ethnic cleansing but short of efforts to eradicate a people. splitting hairs i suppose. 

anyway, earlier i counted the number of times she has used the word genocide in twitter posts in the last two weeks which is as far back as the search would go (elon doesnt want to pay for a full accounting anymore) and i came up with 180. so more than 10 unique post a day she has found a way to squeeze genocide into a post. i guess she wants to drive the point home but honestly its a bit excessive. id mention it but she would block me in a second although she does enjoy discussing her cooking. maybe i could butter herb up first with a question about freezing soups.


- dave 12-06-2023 2:54 pm [add a comment]

  • this is a classy turkey. came in its own box replete with folksy wisdom about how much care went into raising this turkey. oh, excuse me, not folksy wisdom, family secrets.

    secret 1: walk the flock each day

    secret 2: let turkeys be turkeys

    secret 3: dont rush things this brand turkey is slow grown

    secret 4: never compromise on quality

    secret 5: chop its head off


    - dave 12-06-2023 4:16 pm [add a comment]

  • I saw this episode of Portlandia
    - bill 12-06-2023 4:54 pm [add a comment]

Take the plastic wrapper off before you cook the turkey.

- steve 12-06-2023 2:56 pm [add a comment]

  • but leave the plastic-wrapped giblets inside the bird? got it.

    - dave 12-06-2023 3:13 pm [add a comment]

    • in my experience, giblets are usually paper-wrapped, but you're right to take them out.

      - steve 12-06-2023 5:44 pm [add a comment]

dry brine
- Skinny 12-07-2023 9:34 am [add a comment]

  • seems like a shit ton of salt. paradoxically i dont have kosher salt. gonna waste the maldons instead. what other herbs are recommended?

    - dave 12-08-2023 9:30 am [add a comment]

dislodging this half frozen turkey neck is the closest i am getting to winter this year. also, no fucking giblets! how am i supposed to throw them away if they dont exist? 

- dave 12-08-2023 12:51 pm [add a comment]

Keep looking, it could never have gotten to that size without them
- bill 12-08-2023 1:30 pm [add a comment]

so turkey done. ill give myself a c-. 

first giblets were there. just in the other hole. whoops. good thing it was more waxed paper and not plastic. was frozen shut til today but didnt think to look. then i did i half assed job on the dry brine. not terrible, not great. probably undercooked it a few minutes or else without a proper roasting pan the underside seemed undercooked but the breast meat in closest to the rib cage was cooked but could have used a few minutes. then despite watching the vids i did a poor job dismembering. the breast were even troubling but they were mostly intact. im not sure where the thighs were but i didnt get much dark meat and it was again marginally undercooked. i actually made a whole breast on thanksgiving at 5 lbs and it seemed to yield about the same amount of desirable meat. still more turkey than i need and the gravy was better this time since i over-floured it the other time and had mushrooms roasted in the pan for this one. too lazy to try and make cornbread stuffing but made the cornbread and the recipe called for it to be stale anyway so if theres any left by tuesday.... and i tossed out the carcass and wings and such. dont have the patience or the raw materials for making stock. kind of a waste but c'est la vie.

- dave 12-09-2023 4:16 pm [add a comment]

Egads, the whole experience almost sounds like a botched kidnapping.

- steve 12-09-2023 6:40 pm [add a comment]

  • officer, the bird was poorly seasoned when we got here. 

    - dave 12-09-2023 7:51 pm [add a comment]

    • mission accomplished tho. thats a $15 sandwich from a $10 turkey. im already winning. only 8 more sandwiches to go!

      - dave 12-09-2023 7:55 pm [add a comment]

    • Make stock with the carcus and freeze it. 

      - bill 12-09-2023 9:37 pm [add a comment]

      • does anybody read? i mentioned slow horses season 3, too. ive held my tongue long enough!

        - dave 12-09-2023 9:51 pm [add a comment]

      • Hold your horses and bite your tongue.

        - bill 12-09-2023 10:49 pm [add a comment]

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